A Study In Self-Perception

In a recent therapy session I came across a question that I felt I should probably attempt to apply to myself. "What sort of person do you percieve yourself to be?" I was handed a list of descriptive words, and I honestly skimmed over them, several popped out at me, but I was honestly a little self conscious about picking too many or too few. I waited a few minutes and listed a couple off, but it was a situation where I felt like my answers would be judged. I found myself, several days later, feeling as if I hadn't truly been honest about my answers. So what kind of person do I percieve myself to be? I can easily tell you what sort of person I would LIKE to be. I would LIKE to be a kind, caring person, who stands up for others as well as herself; the kind of person who isn't afraid to speak up and doesn't back down from a challenge. I WANT to be the sort of person that people look up to, the sort of person that people can rely upon to get the job done. I want to be a force of nature and a picnic at the park all bundled into one human being- BUT that isn't who I percieve myself to be. When I think of who I am as a person I think of the words protective, creative and kind; but I also think of the words, coward, push-over, and lazy. What kind of person am I? If you ask me I am curious and courteous. I have a need to help and understand other people, I want to learn whatever I can, whenever I can. I believe I am the kind of person who you can turn to when the chips are down. I value other people over myself. I am most happy when the people around me are happy. I love to see people smile and to make people laugh. I feel like I'm fairly close to the person I want to be, but close has never really been good enough for me. I am hard on myself. I work hard and I am stubborn about the strangest and silliest things. I cry at the drop of a hat and I get angry but refuse to act on it. I am terrified of spiders, but if someone else is too scared to move I will somehow push passed that fear. I like hugs and holding hands, and taking my time and enjoying the scenery. Somehow I am also in a very big hurry to see and experience everything there is to see and experience. I see myself as a good person; one who frequently makes mistakes, but does her best to learn from them. I see myself as the kind of person who pushes herself a little too hard sometimes, and is disappointed in herself when things don't work out; the kind who says 'you didnt try hard enough, try harder next time.' I percieve myself as, strong and reliable; but also as, shy and afraid. Even though I am not quite there yet, I hope that several years from now I can look back at the person I was and say 'good job, we did it'. I will get there one day at a time, working hard, and doing everything I can to make myself a better human being. I can't wait to be the person I want to be.